Father's Day does not get any easier each year after losing your Father. So as I struggle through my day today, I thought I would remember my Daddy by sharing this story and poem with you.
In August 2003, my Daddy and I set off on our long road trip down to Tampa in my VW Jetta (that was kind of falling apart) I remember stopping every once in awhile to fill the coolant since their was a leak in the radiator. But somehow we made it down to Tampa. My Dad helped me move everything into my 7th floor dorm which was not an easy task in the FL heat and took most of the day! After getting organized my Dad was leaving for the airport and left me with a wrapped present that appeared to be a book. I thanked him, said goodbye, and watched him cry(which was probably only the 2nd time I had seen him do that). I spent time with my roomates that night and before bed remembered the gift he had left for me and decided to open it. It was the children's book Just In Case You Ever Wonder by Max Lucado. (If you haven't read the book, it is a great one and I suggest that you do!) He had even hand written a little note to me in the front of the book, "Cadi, I'll be with you in heaven- just in case you ever wonder! I will always love you, Daddy". Being a Freshman in college, and "ready" to be away from my parents on my own, I kind of just chuckled when I opened it, thought "oh Daddy", and stuck it on my desk shelf.
I ended up only staying in Tampa for one semester, changed my major, and moved back home to commute to a local college. I spent much of 2004, working and going to school, but since I was back home I was able to spend so much more time with family and friends, which at the time I didn't realize how much of a blessing that would be.
In October 2004 my Dad passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack. I had just spoken with him a few hours before I got the call, and I thank God everyday for that last conversation. He told me all about his new job at a golf pro shop, about his day, and he seemed so truly happy with life! I am so glad I was able to have those last few words with him.
While planning my Daddy's funeral, I made the decision that I wanted to share something during the service. I had no idea what I was going to say, nor was public speaking my speciality, in fact I was pretty much completely terrified of it. But I just felt in my heart that I needed to do it. I immediately remembered the book my dad had given me back in college and although I had never actually read more than the first two pages I pulled it off my shelf and read the whole thing. (and of course shed a few hundred tears). Along with the help of my brother-in-law we decided to write our own poem based on the book. It is a poem written as if my Dad was talking to me. Here is what we came up with and what I shared with a few hundred people at my Dad's funeral.
Just in case you ever wondered- I Love you,
I thought about you every single day,
While on vacation in the mountains or staring at the ocean,
You were the star that led me on my way.
Just in case you ever wondered- When I asked about your homework,
It wasn't that I didn't trust it was done,
It was because of all the students I ever had,
You were the most important one.
Just in case you ever wondered- I'm proud of you.
I thank God everyday that you chose to teach,
You'll give care to future ages and create jobs for more than minimum wages
There are so many lives that you will reach.
Just in case you ever wondered- I won
Even though my teams did not win every game,
The parties I led and the joy I spread
Have put me in the Daddy and Grandpa hall of fame.
Just in case you ever wondered-
In heaven you are so close to God that He will hug you, just like I hug you.
It's wonderful. I will be there too. I promise.
We will be there together, forever. Remember that...
just in case you ever wonder.
